Resolve: An Epic.

It all started yesterday. I lacked the resolve to DO WORK. I had been tasked with the impossible, and finally sent an email to my boss to that effect. He was very understanding, urging me to take my time and make sure that I did things right, not fast. I immediately transitioned from one plane of existence to another, and let me tell you, it was sublime.

There are distinct advantages to both modes. In ZOMG PANIC Mode, I get shit done. I am a productivity savage. I will cut a bitch if they interrupt my work. On the other hand, this mode requires panic, panic, obscene amounts of caffeine, panic, and looking at times on a clock that I would much rather associate with the afternoon and evening than the morning. With the WHAT IS THIS WORK YOU SPEAK OF? Mode, productivity as a word does not enter my vocabulary. I have no concept of what it means, and instead laze about, eating big-ass bonbons. It's basically awesome. The only problem with it is that it increases procrastination until I am finally forced into ZOMG PANIC MODE.

Yesterday, I transitioned from ZOMG PANIC into WHAT IS THIS WORK YOU SPEAK OF? and it was glorious, but I still had work to do. Have I picked up any of that work? No. I lack Resolve.

Then, my little sister's cat escaped. She decided she needed more adventure, like living in our house wasn't crazy and unpredictable enough. She wouldn't come out, no matter how fervently I called, knowing that, in spite of the fact that this psychotic little shit pees all over everything, she would be missed. I waited until two in the morning, using resolve I should have used to work, in order to stay awake and continue the search. I let her in, and in doing so saw her offering of love. Delicately placed, belly up, on the back porch welcome mat, was a dead mouse. Psycho Kitty meowed most earnestly, as if to say, "Do you see how much I wuv you?"

My resolve theme was continued the following morning, when I strolled downstairs to let the dog outside, only to discover that she had thrown up on the brand new rug in the living room. I wasn't particularly mad at her about this, it's impossible to be mad at her, but it still fell to me to clean it. After scouring the cupboard under the sink, I discovered that we had no carpet cleaner. And so, with a weary heart and a whimpering wallet, I went to the local grocery store to pick up some Resolve.