Why you should still continue to read my blog.

Okay internet. I realize 20 days is a long time to go without some Katie love. In my defense, the following things have happened to me in the last 20 days:
- School started
- Continued to work 20 hours a week
- Football started
- I met a boy
- I turned 21.

This is a monumental amount of stuff to happen to one person in 20 days. Mostly the last one though, as my liver/stomach still haven't forgiven me for that weekend of nonsense. Internet, I'm sure you'll be glad to know I'm a very affectionate drunk. I love everybody. I hugged everybody, including the bartender. It was a great night.

Moving on to my point though, I will be updating this more often, once I get into the swing of things. No picture for today, alas, as I'm getting ready to go sort out some high drama that will provide blogging opportunities later on.

xoxo
Katie

Exploding heads.

I've had quite the visual all day today of my head exploding. The likely cause of this occurrence would be the absolutely psychotic migraine/sinus/ear/eye issues I'm dealing with today. I fear for my senses of touch, taste and smell, as it would appear that my body is staging a full-fledged attack on my senses. I could not have a light on today. I could not have any loud noise today. The latter was particularly important as my JOB (where I earn $$) requires that I be able to hear things and take the things that I've heard and do things to them. I was supposed to work 8 hours today. I will be lucky if I work 5, mostly because every time I sit down at my computer and hit play (attempting to restart my gainful employment) this is what I see:

This is a prime example of what I conceive an aneurysm to look like, if pain had a visual representation. Also, I have a funny/terrible continuation of the last post, but will have to wait on that until I no longer feel like I'm going to have a seizure and die.

Resolve: An Epic.

It all started yesterday. I lacked the resolve to DO WORK. I had been tasked with the impossible, and finally sent an email to my boss to that effect. He was very understanding, urging me to take my time and make sure that I did things right, not fast. I immediately transitioned from one plane of existence to another, and let me tell you, it was sublime.

There are distinct advantages to both modes. In ZOMG PANIC Mode, I get shit done. I am a productivity savage. I will cut a bitch if they interrupt my work. On the other hand, this mode requires panic, panic, obscene amounts of caffeine, panic, and looking at times on a clock that I would much rather associate with the afternoon and evening than the morning. With the WHAT IS THIS WORK YOU SPEAK OF? Mode, productivity as a word does not enter my vocabulary. I have no concept of what it means, and instead laze about, eating big-ass bonbons. It's basically awesome. The only problem with it is that it increases procrastination until I am finally forced into ZOMG PANIC MODE.

Yesterday, I transitioned from ZOMG PANIC into WHAT IS THIS WORK YOU SPEAK OF? and it was glorious, but I still had work to do. Have I picked up any of that work? No. I lack Resolve.

Then, my little sister's cat escaped. She decided she needed more adventure, like living in our house wasn't crazy and unpredictable enough. She wouldn't come out, no matter how fervently I called, knowing that, in spite of the fact that this psychotic little shit pees all over everything, she would be missed. I waited until two in the morning, using resolve I should have used to work, in order to stay awake and continue the search. I let her in, and in doing so saw her offering of love. Delicately placed, belly up, on the back porch welcome mat, was a dead mouse. Psycho Kitty meowed most earnestly, as if to say, "Do you see how much I wuv you?"

My resolve theme was continued the following morning, when I strolled downstairs to let the dog outside, only to discover that she had thrown up on the brand new rug in the living room. I wasn't particularly mad at her about this, it's impossible to be mad at her, but it still fell to me to clean it. After scouring the cupboard under the sink, I discovered that we had no carpet cleaner. And so, with a weary heart and a whimpering wallet, I went to the local grocery store to pick up some Resolve.

Allie Brosh Envy.

I'm suffering from a severe case of blog envy. It's Allie Brosh's Hyperbole and a Half. You click on this, and you can see how totally awesome it is, and how filled with suck anything that tries to be in a similar blog genre feels in comparison. The drawings. The ideas. Mostly, it's the content. It's like she's sneaking into my head and then stealing all of the ideas I've ever had, a la Grinch. She's Grinching my thoughts, and I can't even hate her for it, because I'm convinced she does it so well that any other attempt would be paltry and pathetic. I wish I could do the cartoons, but alas, I have but a primitive Dell PC with no tablet attachment, and so everything would be done on the mouse pad, and therefore any cartoons I try for now will look very much like a chimpanzee attempting to recreate a Monet.

The worst part about all of this: I had to look up what a chimpanzee looks like, I couldn't remember and came up with a mutant hairy chimp-hippo that was terrifying and awesome. See below:

Conundrum of the Day: Selling Out.

Okay, so technically as I write this it's 8/25, but this is my blog and I get to make the rules, so niener niener. My conundrum of the day has to do with selling out. I'm staring at the Blogger set up, and there's an entire tab for monetizing your blog. I'm still reeling over the fact that blogs can be monetized (I'm only starting a blog to ruin your circadian rhythms with my cracked out thoughts), and I wonder why the thought of monetizing seemed instantly distasteful. Don't get me wrong, I love tons of bloggers who have gone this route, including Dooce, Pioneer Woman, and many more besides. Yet the thought of doing so right now seems incredibly pretentious, like I'm assuming everyone will love my blog so much they will be unable to resist (which you will, just give it time). It seems to me that there is an optimal time here for monetizing one's blog:

It's undeniable that I'm at the asshole stage, should I decide to monetize, but my question then is this: when is the right time? Is it one of those things you feel, much like knowing when a conversation has become too awkward to live through, or knowing that you are about to humiliate yourself in public? Or is there an actual number of followers/amount of time I'm shooting for here?

To New Beginnings, Or: Why you should read my blog.

What can I have to say that's interesting, innovative, and relevant?

Not much.

What can I say that is so bizarre that it will puzzle you, insult you, and probably frighten you?

Plenty.

And there lies the premise of this blog. I have tons of random thoughts. I have criticize things that don't make sense with a logic that is also nonsensical. For example, I was not entirely convinced that "nonsensical" was actually a word until Blogger verified that it is by allowing it to exist sans angry red squiggle line.

You might say: "Katie, oh, wonderful, brilliant Katie, what will you be doing with this blog?"

That, my dears, my darlings, is an excellent question, and I am certainly open to feedback on what you like or dislike. My hope is that this will be a place to air random thoughts, and explain them in a humorous or ironic way. Will every post be magical? I place no guarantees. Is it worth tuning in to find out? Most definitely.